"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

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The Pity Party:

Pity Party TearsLast night I threw myself a pity party and no one attended.  I was feeling alone and abused due to an issue I have.  I won’t go into details about the precise issue…we all have them.  I couldn’t sleep so I cried all night.  This morning I finally remembered to pray and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart that I didn’t have to feel the way I did; that I could have gone into God’s Word and prayed for peace.  He reminded me that I wasn’t really ever alone and that I need to behave like a child of God.

Why did I not pick up God’s Word and seek Him?  I did sort of pray but it felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling and my prayers were all about feeling abused how others were blaming me for something I didn’t do.  I should have prayed in the Spirit since God says that doing so will edify me.  I don’t know why I didn’t seek Jesus in the Word of God but hopefully I will never again fail to do so.

As I spent time in the Word this morning and prayed in the Spirit I realized that I need to behave like a Christian and allow others to think and feel what they think and feel. I can’t change the mind of others.  I can only control and change my own behavior.  So I am calm and joyful today because of the Word of God and because I listened to the Spirit and was obedient.  By the grace of God, I will never throw myself another pity party.


Down on Knees PrayingHere I am Lord down on my knees again
I seek your face and not just your hand
For so many times before I knelt here
Thinking it was all about me.

But it was you who walked up that hill
On your shoulders heavy the burden
That should have been mine
You carried my load suffered and died.

Though the world says I don’t have enough
I know whose I am and who is mine
Your perfect love has freed my aching heart
And I just want to be closer to you.

Old rugged cross icon

I had prayed about why mornings were so difficult and painful. I kept thinking it would get better but it never did.  Mornings had always been my best time of day and I could get things done. I would ask God what was wrong with me.  I had half-decided that it was due to aging and that I’d better learn to live with it. One day as I prayed, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart convicting me of the fact that I was addicted to the hydrocodone I’d been taking for about five years. I can’t say I was shocked but I did feel a little surprised. I continued to ask guidance and I knew I had to stop taking it. I asked Jesus to help me because I didn’t want to go into a hospital, nor did I want to do out-patient detox. After a day or so it became clear that I was going to be ok if I just quit taking it.

I did have some withdrawal symptoms but they were relatively mild. I knew they’d come because I looked up information on the internet and found that quitting cold turkey was not supposed to be an option. And I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been assured by God that He was walking with me as I went through this journey.  Hydrocodone makes your body and brain dependent and can exacerbate your pain symptoms. I have arthritis and joint pain.

Withdrawals included rebound pain, nervousness, anxiety and restlessness but nothing was going to make me take more pills.  One awesome thing is that the withdrawals were gone in five days and with them went my extra pain that the drug itself had caused. I also am feeling great in the mornings when I get up!  I’m so grateful that God still speaks to us and that the Holy Spirit lead us into all truth as the Bible tells us.

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